Sometimes I deal with each day's group of matches that day, sometimes I deal with a whole group of them about every 3-4 days. At one point, I thought I would try using 3 of the different ways to make initial contact (a smile, an icebreaker, or sending the 5 questions) alternately to different men, see if one method was more successful than another. But I ended up consulting Stacy, and through her, Justin, and the consensus was to skip all the silly stuff and just send an initial email. So, with some of the best of the matches, I've done that, too.
The whole process has been very educational - and not just in how to navigate the online dating world. This is as much a process of learning about myself as it is learning about prospective dates. Things that make me uncomfortable. Things that I want. I haven't journaled this much in years. :)
So, I can report that things are moving a little more, with some tweaks along the way. I discovered that my settings weren't specific enough when I got a full day's matches this weekend that had no more than a high school education. Nothing against these gentlemen, but I truly meant to select for those who have at least a college degree. I expanded my geographic area, which may increase my chances of a quality match, while possibly decreasing my chances of having many dates this summer. It's all an experiment, every day.
But I know you aren't here to hear about eHarmony - you want to hear about men! Last time I mentioned that head of salt-and-pepper hair in Broken Arrow, and the music teacher in Texas. I've sent both of them an email. There is a smoking pair of glasses from Abbott, TX (intellectuals please apply!), an engineer in Kansas who takes home improvement projects to a whole 'nother level (built an in-ground pool in his yard - and has beautiful dogs), a chiropractor in OK who can't live without dark chocolate, a nice set of eyes in Louisiana, and the most dazzling smile in IL. That's the cream of the week's crop. I've emailed all of them, and am waiting to see if any answer. Some have not been active online in a while - and truthfully, eHarmony doesn't tell me if they are current subscribers or not. But some of them have checked out my profile. You may have noticed that none of them are in AR. Yeah, I caught that, too. This is going to require a lot of patience. There was a musician in Fayetteville that I smiled at - and he smiled back, but didn't do anything else. I complained to Stacy that online men seem to lack assertiveness. I've been procrastinating sending him an email. Must do that today. Just yesterday I got a request to answer questions from an Irishman! Remember when I expanded that geographic search? Well, I threw in the British Isles/Ireland just for fun. At least he stepped up and made the first move.There is also quite an education on what I don't want. Oh, my. Stacy still laughs when she remembers a text I sent her that went something like this: "This sounds bad, but am I allowed to hold shirts and upholstery against a guy. Because there is some serious ugly going on over here." She laughed even harder when I sent her examples of what I was talking about - a guy who seemed OK (not awful, not great) on his profile, but whose aesthetic choices I ultimately couldn't live with. I'm not doing this to be mean (therefore I have masked his face), but can you see what I mean???
The photos themselves are a revelation - how many guys won't even include one, or they only have one shot from a serious distance. You are allowed to post up to 12 photos on your profile, so it is always interesting to see how many of those photos are devoted to the guy's dog (one is OK, especially if he is in it, too, but one guy had 2 with his dog, and about 5 with ONLY his dog - and a little frou-frou dog it was), or his motorcycle, or especially his car. Really? If I post a photo of my mini-van, do you think that will have men emailing me madly?
But the worst are the profiles. There is basic info - job, height, religion, have/want kids, education. That gets posted for everyone. Then there are the "About Me" questions - 12 of them - that allow you to make an impression on someone. And the open-ended ones don't have to be really short - they give you up to 650 characters. Cordelia, I didn't even use them all!!! It is amazing how many guys will only answer 4 of them, with two of the questions providing checkmarked answer lists (choose 4). They say nothing, they post nothing (not even a picture sometimes). Am I supposed to swoon? Here's one from a 51-year-old "retiree." Yes, this is absolutely everything he had to say.
On the other hand, some jump on that keyboard and make it even worse. And I can't quite figure out what on earth eHarmony is thinking - this is really who you would match with me?!?! From a "56" year old former truck driver:
I put "56" in quotes because, if that's true, then he had barely reached the age of 18 when Saigon fell. I feel that either his age or his statement about being a Vietnam vet is questionable. Also, if you know me, you know that I'm a bit too much of a hippie liberal for this guy. And I probably wouldn't notice the same thing that other people seem to notice about him first. Please.
So the search continues. As I type this I have over 16 matches I haven't even looked at, so I'd better get busy. Rest assured, if I actually make contact with anyone, I'll let you know.
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