Change Redux

How little did I know?

I anticipated changing jobs and careers. I have also changed marital status, from married to separated (feels really bizarre checking that box when filling out papers at a doctor's office, let me tell you).

So the change is from married, stay-at-home mom to separated, single, working mom in her first year of teaching English to 7th graders in an economically disadvantaged, racially diverse school that is failing all the NCLB tests. Whew.

And the make-over I anticipated has been more emotional and spiritual than physical - although working on the 3rd floor I've lost 15 pounds since school started. But the strength I have felt, the confidence I have gained, has been eye-opening. Now, as I write that, I check myself for authenticity - is it truth? The answer is definitely yes, but some of the strength comes from realizing that I am justified (and ALLOWED) to feel pretty angry about the way I have been treated in the last few years of my marriage. The confidence is real, but so is the knowledge that I am disappointed and not yet sure of what it means to start a life over at my age. No, not start over - I am coming to appreciate how much of my life I had built myself, even when married. I just thought it was a joint endeavor. Now that it really is my life, I am intrigued at what I will add to it, how I will shape it from here.

And then my best friend goes and resolves to throw her blog open to the universe - and right there on the right hand side is her link to mine! Well, I can't have any curious looky-lous wander in while I have my blog untouched for nearly a year. I had been wondering if I should turn it into a journal of my (anticipated, but not certain) trip through the end of my marriage. I don't think that is what this will be, exclusively, either. I think it will remain what I said - a confused mixture, trying to find my way to change and growth at an interesting time in life.

Tomorrow (or soon) I want to write about old friends - the thoughts about re-connecting. Emails. Risks.

This is your fault, Museo!

'Night.